With Covid-19 and a fuck ton of sudden free time, I'm hopefully planning to switch this a little more toward posting my own writing that's sitting on my desktop doing jack shit
I’m not sure why I feel this way, but imo this is the most cursed marine mammal fact I have ever heard
THAT’S RIGHT AND THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME SO I CAN INFLICT THIS ON EVERYONE AT 1AM!
Mammals normally shed their skin in small flakes all the time when their skin cells die off, but because whales are living in the ocean -AKA, Bacteria Stew- flaking off like that would cause microabrasions (really tiny cuts) that would mean the whale is continually fighting off infections. So, when a whale needs to replace it’s dead skin cells, it preps it’s new skin underneath, then sheds all it’s dead skin cells at once, like a lizard:
but not having hands makes it hard to remove this gross film, so molting brings many whales clsoe to shore where they can roll around on rocky/sandy coastal seabeds to scratch it off. Here’s a bunch of Beluga coming in for a mass scratch:
And THIS is what a chunk of Sperm Whale Molt looks like, floating in the water before it’s devoured by pelagic microfauna, because you take what calories you can get in the open ocean:
Nature is Amazing!
wish it still held in one big piece like a snake though. Wish you could be swimming in the ocean and you see a huge empty whale billowing like a balloon. like a latex glove a hundred feet long. imagine getting tangled in that. what if you died cause you got caught in an empty whale like it’s a big blanket
What if the currents held JUST RIGHT, and you could swim through the whaleskin from mouth to ass.
congrats, there are nearly 25,000 notes on this post and this is the WORST response because it made me research the dimensions of a whale anus
america is doing the exact same thing, “shipper girl.” china is not our enemy oh my god they didn’t fucking bring the virus over on purpose for gods sake
predictions for the inevitable coronavirus biopic:
it’s called PANDEMIC or CORONA or something in all caps
the opening scene is set in wuhan only they make it look really worn down and gross bc Foreign Nation
it stars the united states government and a random white man who contracts the virus and then has to quarantine apart from his family
either that or it’s some military dude who comes home from being stationed in wuhan for whatever reason
there’s an ed sheeran song in it
the celebrities singing imagine by john lennon is a scene in the movie and it’s portrayed as a heartrending moment of solidarity
the US government is portrayed handling the virus WAY better than they actually are
china is portrayed as the evil communist villains who didn’t stop the virus from spreading
i don’t know how the movie ends because we’re still living it
the ending title card says “dedicated to the 3827394 or something people who lost their lives due to COVID-19”
imagine by john lennon is the end credits song
I’m so tired of westerners thinking China just fucking arrests ppl whenever they do anything. The doctor was never arrested. The doctor was rewarded for whistleblowing and they punished the local official that bungled the response. This accusation of jailing the whistleblower, coming from a country that literally jailed a trans woman whistleblower for blowing the whistle on American military shooting at civilians and journalists, is just pure fucking projection.
There are legitimate issues to talk about with Xi’s China. There were legitimate issues to talk about with Mao’s China, but Westerners always go for the Red Scare/Yellow Peril talking points and never actually look at the material reality.
*releases pack of dads into home depot* go……be free
invasive species encroach on lesbian territory
This is a common misconception because they’re such similar environments, but you should be aware that dads are native to Home Depot, while lesbians are actually native to Lowe’s. At this point, however, both dads and lesbians have made themselves at home in both Home Depot and Lowe’s to the point that trying to separate them back into their original ranges would probably do more harm than good to the delicate ecosystem of large chain hardware stores.
A properly raised and socialized Dad will be perfectly comfortable cohabiting with Lesbians. Its not really “encroaching on another’s territory”. You wouldn’t say that about foxes in a forest that also homes bobcats, would you? No. It’s just two different species that have both evolved to live in similar/the same environment. As long as they recognize each other as equals, Dads and Lesbians are more than capable of cohabitation.
Now, if you were to release a pack of Lumberjacks into a Lowes or Home Depot, that’s where chaos will reign. Being adapted to a far harsher and more demanding environment, the Lumberjacks would simply push Dads and Lesbians both out and also consume far more than a sustainable amount of resources. It would be like releasing bears at a country club.
As a former timber-harvester… I feel this is potentially accurate in theory. But highly improbable in actuality.
Lumberjacks, like most megafauna species generally require more space than the average hardware store, even a big box store could provide. The misconception is that Lumberjacks are a social species because of how they often work and live together.
This is a matter of necessity, not preference, and a survival technique for thriving under the LogBoss.
A “pack” of Lumberjacks, if not under the environmental pressure of a LogBoss will naturally disperse until they each have a wide territory.
Lumberjacks rarely fight for territory.
One on one, a Lumberjack could drive out a Dad or Lesbian, however the latter tend to travel in social packs.
Lumberjacks will passively retreat on the presence of large numbers of people. Kind of like Sasquatch.
Getting a “pack” of Lumberjacks assembled would be hard enough unless they were forced into a Hardware Store by a LogBoss. In that case, they would already be in a heightened and potentially agitated state far above their natural behavior. This artificial scenario can be likened to a circus animal running amok. If it had been in the wild, the incident would not have occurred.
Free-roaming Lumberjacks are the cryptids of the Hardware ecosystem. They are surprisingly quiet and unobtrusive.
Please stop labeling Lumberjacks as dangerous roving social predators. They are intermediate level omnivores and remarkably peaceful unless threatened.
As a hardware store worker I can say that this is all 100% accurate.
now how in the FUCK am i supposed to leave tumblr when a god tier post like THIS is just is just waiting for me daily?!?!?!
Bisexuals chillin in Ace Hardware, shopping for leather gardening gloves, avoiding your drama.
remember when jared leto absolutely terrorized his suicide squad castmates and turned himself into a laughing stock bc he misinterpreted what method acting is, only to have 7 minutes of screen time and be cut from most of the film’s promotional material? i know it was a while ago now but i dnt think anything more satisfying will happen in our lifetime
ok but the full extent of margot robbie’s vindication is frankly legendary. she wanted a better chance to relish her role as Harley so, like an absolute icon, she went to warner brothers and pitched a movie to then. now we’re getting an r rated girl gang movie about harley getting out of her shitty relationship w/ joker and going on a chaotic ass roadtrip with a bunch of other female heroes. it’s going to be the first superhero movie directed by a woman of color and there are multiple major characters of color, including a Latina lesbian. can you believe margot robbie obliterated jared leto’s tired ass joker with one fell swoop?
and two really important updates:
1. all planned future appearances of Jared Leto as the joker (Joker solo movie, Joker/Harley movie, etc) have been indefinitely tabled, including his planned appearances in the Suicide Squad sequel, where he’s pretty much the only cast member of the first movie not returning
2. The Joker is confirmed to have a cameo in Margot’s Birds of Prey movie (likely for the scene where she leaves him). They’ve opted to use a body double for the part rather than inviting Leto to reprise his role
they should remake breaking bad but instead of making and dealing meth it’s a suburban white mom who makes soap and the same levels of violence, gore, and drama remain
I saw the future. There were so few bees left that they cross-bred beekeepers with them so they could better connect with them.
I was taking a test to identify plants (I won because some dude thought pineapples were berries) and after that I met a beekeeper who worked inside of a giant glass beehive and had little antennas and a dope ass beard.
Everyone was commenting on this post, saying that pineapples ARE berries, and even I was like, huh, that’s not right, so I looked it up, and
Bananas, tomatoes, watermelons, coffee, cocoa, pomegranates and pumpkins are also berries.
W-what????????’
WHAT DO YOU MEAN POMEGRANATES ARE BERRIES????
You know what isn’t a berry? Strawberries. Fuck fruit scientists.
hey is everyone ignoring the part of the dream where bees and beekeepers fucked
vampires who adopt each other into very specific family roles
“so I know I’m like a century older than you but you give great advice and you knitted me a sweater that one time, will you be my grandma?”
“Look, I know you’re older than me by a millennia, but you act like a younger brother, so you’re that now.”
“I never thought I wanted kids but frankly someone needs to take care of the trainwreck that is you so”
“Which one of you is older?”
“I mean, if you’re talking chronologically then I’m 8,900 years old and she’s turning 94 next week. Otherwise, we decided thirty years ago that we’re twins.”
“So, care to tell me how this happened?”
“Well, Elspeth’s the oldest so-”
“Chronologically. You volunteered to be the big sis last century, it’s your job to explain your joint screw-ups.”
“Technically almost all of us are older than our dad. He’s like, the sixth oldest guy in our coven.”
“Mom goes first because she’s the oldest.”
“Technically, you’re the oldest.”
“Technically, I’m the middle child, so lead the way into the dark spooky hallway.”
I like the idea that the very oldest is basically the baby, because they don’t understand shit about the world anymore, and just want to be moody and drink a meal
“this is my baby sister Ishtar. we’re not sure how old she is, she stopped counting after the first 8 millenia”
